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The Official NBA All-Star Break Power Poll

February 23, 2011

We’re a little more than halfway through the 2010-11 NBA season, and since I did this once before and someone said he was moderately entertained by it, let’s do another all-star break power poll. I’m ranking teams by their chances (determined by me, of course), of winning the NBA Finals. Since it’s pro basketball, feel free to stop after No. 3 or so.

OK; let’s go.

These Teams Might Win The Title

1. Los Angeles Lakers
In Game 7 of last year’s NBA Finals, the Lakers out-offensive rebounded the Celtics 23-8. So, no, they weren’t about to trade their starting center for a small forward.

2. San Antonio Spurs
If a team has the best record in the NBA but it plays in San Antonio, does it make a sound? If it has Tim Duncan, then yes, because it whines a lot.

3. Boston Celtics
Pictures like this are why I love the NBA.They’re also good examples of how jumping on Paul Pierce’s back after he makes a game-winning shot is a stupid thing to do if you’re Nate Robinson.

4. Chicago Bulls
Remember when the Bulls were the insider pick for LeBron’s landing spot? Yeah, me neither.

5. Miami Heat
The Heat’s opponents’ should just play Chris Bosh’s Conan interview before games, in lieu of light-show introductions. Unlike me, Bosh never learned the truly cool people don’t have to try.

6. Dallas Mavericks
Thanks to Mark Cuban’s strategy of stockpiling the most random, over-the-hill veterans he can find, should this year’s team win an NBA title, not only would Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Terry finally avenge the 2006 Mavs, but Peja Stojakovic (2002 Kings), Shawn Marion (2007 Suns), and Jason Kidd (2003 Nets) would make for the most interesting “They finally won a championship” group ever.

These Teams Might Not Embarrass Themselves In The Playoffs

7. Oklahoma City Thunder
Would wearing a Kevin Durant Sonics jersey be incredibly awesome or incredibly depressing?

8. Orlando Magic
Had no one in Orlando’s front office heard “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”? Here’s how it translates to basketball: Don’t trade for Gilbert Arenas. Even if that means more Rashard Lewis.

9. Atlanta Hawks
The Hawks are 0-14 in their last 14 Eastern Conference Semifinals appearances. That’s dating back to 1971.

10. New Orleans Hornets
They’re 33-25 — now imagine this team with Tyson Chandler instead of Emeka Okafor. While we’re imagining things: Chris Paul in another jersey, the Hornets in not-New Orleans.

These Teams Might Win A Playoff Game Or Two

11. Portland Trail Blazers
“Knock, knock.” “Who’s the—, hold on a second, that light knocking just busted Brandon Roy’s knees again.”

12. New York Knicks
Guess who’s back, back again. Isiah’s back, tell a friend.

13. Utah Jazz
Did anyone doubt Karl Malone would cement his reputation as the NBA’s resident cranky, retired superstar just seven years after his retirement?

These Teams Might Give Their Fans Reasons To Watch April Games

14. Denver Nuggets
Nuggets Nation is ecstatic that Masai Ujiri succeeded in prying Timofey Mozgov from the Knicks.

15. Memphis Grizzlies
Prediction: If Greivis Vasquez continues to shoot 36.8% from the floor, he won’t be in the league very long.

16. Philadelphia 76ers
Pitchers and catchers have already reported; we’re done here.

17. Phoenix Suns
No, you can’t replace Amare Stoudemire with Hakim Warrick.

18. Charlotte Bobcats
I read online that Kwame Brown’s performance could be considered “resurgent.” He’s currently averaging 7.0 points a game.

These Teams Might Not Be In The Same Conversation As Cleveland

19. Houston Rockets
Houston fans must be tiring of the “What Seed Would The Rockets Be If They Played In The East” game. On the other hand, it’s not as if they’ll see a playoff game anytime soon.

20. Golden State Warriors
I appreciate the Warriors’ refusal, steadfast over a period of decades, to adapt a style that might win them some contests. It’s like the Democrats who kept hiring Bob Shrum.

21. Indiana Pacers
That you have three Duke players on your team is generally a strong sign your team is not very good. And that’s just the general rule — Josh McRoberts as a starter takes this to a whole other level.

22. Milwaukee Bucks
When your leading scorer averages 15.4 points per game on 37.5% shooting, you should feel rather fortunate to be 21-34.

23. Los Angeles Clippers
Any team with a worse record than the Milwaukee Bucks probably doesn’t deserve us fawning over it. And Blake Griffin didn’t deserve a goddamn car and choir, either.

24. Detroit Pistons
Joe Dumars spent a combined $90 million on Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva before the 2009-10 season. Neither player currently starts.

Teams That Might Get The No. 1 Overall Pick (Again)

25. Sacramento Kings
Reportedly the organization is seeking to relocate. They’re considering Anaheim. Here’s a better idea: SEATTLE.

26. Washington Wizards
Say what you will about the Wizards’ road record (you might even say it’s not very good), but don’t come to Verizon Center unprepared: The Wizards are over .500 (14-13) there.

27. Minnesota Timberwolves
Remember when everyone thought Sebastian Telfair was The Next Big Thing? Well, he’s on Minnesota now.

28. Toronto Raptors
On the bright side, Raptors fans no longer feel compelled to root for Chris Bosh. Also, DeMar DeRozen: robbed.

29. New Jersey Nets
Mikhail Prokhorov is no Roman Abromovich: Avery Johnson hasn’t been fired yet.

30. Cleveland Cavaliers
Wow, I can’t believe LeBron didn’t want to stay.

 

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From → February 2011

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